Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] You don't lose your business builders because they weren't coachable or because they aren't motivated. You lose them because there's one conversation that you never have with them. And I'm going to show you exactly what that conversation is. Whether you're leading a network marketing team, managing a commission based sales team, running an affiliate program, or building any kind of group where your income depends on people showing up and selling, this is for you.
[00:00:28] Because the retention problem looks the same everywhere and the fix is the same everywhere. I've coached sales leaders with network marketing teams and leaders in conventional sales at every level. And I can tell you right now, it is never an effort problem or motivation.
[00:00:47] It's actually a communication problem and one that's very fixable. So stay with me because by the end of this podcast, you're going to have a framework that you can use starting this week.
[00:00:58] Now, before I get into it, I do want to have an honest conversation with you so that you know where I'm coming from. I've been this leader. I've been the person who, who thought retention was about motivation and hype and running the sales calls and the check ins and sending those cute voice messages like, I was always there and people still left. And it wasn't until I started paying attention to the patterns that I realized as every single person who left gave me the same signal before they disappeared, every one of them. And I missed it. Not because I wasn't paying attention, but because honestly, I just didn't know what I was looking for. And that changes for you today.
[00:01:42] So here's what's happening inside of your team right now. And I do really need you to hear this. Your people are not quitting the business because it doesn't work.
[00:01:51] They're quitting because they've hit a moment of private doubt. And. And there's this moment where the gap between where they are and where they expected to be by now just feels too big.
[00:02:06] And here's the key.
[00:02:08] They don't feel safe enough to tell you about it.
[00:02:13] So think about that for a minute.
[00:02:16] They don't feel safe enough to tell you the person who recruited them, who believes in them, who works hard for them, and who wants them to win.
[00:02:26] Why?
[00:02:27] Well, because most leaders, even the really great ones, have inadvertently created an environment where struggle feels like failure. And we're admitting your doubt feels like you're letting the entire team down.
[00:02:46] It doesn't matter if you're network marketing, if you run a sales floor, or if you manage affiliates or digital Partners, any of that. The dynamic is exactly the same. High performers go silent in weird ways that I'm going to tell you about. They do that before they quit, every single time.
[00:03:07] So let's talk about what it looks like when they go quiet.
[00:03:12] They still show up on the calls. They still answer your text back.
[00:03:17] But what you'll notice is they stop initiating the engagement. So they get on the calls, but there's nothing that takes place after the call. They answer text messages, but they don't originate the text messages or they rah rah the text messages. They like it. They thumbs up it, but they don't do anything with that information.
[00:03:40] Maybe they've stopped posting. Except you have put in the chat. We're all posting this today.
[00:03:47] And then one day you get a message that's like, hey, I just don't think this is right for me anymore.
[00:03:53] And what I want you to know is that this is the. That it's not a resignation, really. It's literally just an ending to a conversation that you never had. Like, if you can't get in a conversation with them, this is always the result.
[00:04:13] So here's the reframe that I want you to notice that changes everything.
[00:04:17] Retention is not about motivation. Retention is always about psychological safety. The people who stay, the ones that are excited and engaged, they're not people who never have any doubt. I mean, you've had doubt.
[00:04:31] They're the ones who feel safe enough to doubt out loud. And they have a leader who knows what to do with that doubt.
[00:04:41] So the better question we need to ask ourselves isn't how do I keep others motivated? The better question is, how do I create a space where my team, my leaders, can be honest with me even when things feel hard, Especially when things feel hard for them.
[00:04:57] And this is a completely different leadership posture that's never taught. Because most leadership training is built around activity, activity, activity, and we almost never talk about psychological safety. But what I'm about to give you is something completely different, and I want to get into it. But first. But first, before I give you the framework, I want to talk to you a minute.
[00:05:21] Because this conversation and framework only works if I teach you how to ready yourself to have it.
[00:05:30] So before you open this conversation with anyone, you're going to check yourself.
[00:05:35] So first, I want you to think about detaching from the outcome. Do whatever you need to do. Do whatever you need to do, Debbie, to make sure that you are not attached to the outcome. Because if you go into this needing them to stay, they're going to feel it.
[00:05:55] Need reads as pressure, and pressure closes people down. It activates the amygdala. It puts people in fight or flight mode. You have one job here, one job, and that is to create a safe space.
[00:06:12] This is not about retaining them. Oddly, the less you need them to stay, the more likely they actually are to stay.
[00:06:21] So detach from the outcome.
[00:06:23] Secondly, I want you to go in with your curiosity hat on. Hang up your defensiveness and put on like Mr. Rogers coming into the room. Put on your curiosity hat.
[00:06:36] Second, get curious instead of defensive. Like, I know that there's a part of you that's going to feel attacked, but you've got to learn how to hold a place of curiosity. And if someone tells you something hard, that they've been faking it, that they're not sure this is working, that, you know, you keep changing the systems, that they've been thinking about stepping back, right? They're like, it's normal that your nervous system is going to be like, hang on, hang on, Sally.
[00:07:10] But that's leadership, ego, doing what it does. What I want you to learn to do to level up your leadership is learn how to notice it.
[00:07:18] Take a deep breath if necessary, like, give yourself a minute, and then start asking questions instead of making statements.
[00:07:28] Curiosity is what keeps the door open.
[00:07:31] And the minute you get defensive, it is going to slam shut. And let me tell you something while I'm here, it is far easier to, to have these conversations with the hope of actually creating safety and making it normal and this person stays than it is for you to irritate people, piss them off, have them leave, and then have to go find a new person. So this is definitely worth doing. Third, decide before you walk in that whatever information they say, whatever they reveal, it is not an indictment of your leadership.
[00:08:10] Your worth is not on the table here. That's not what we're talking about. It's all about their truth. And these are two completely different things. And when you can hold that space, when you can make the distinction that it's not really about you and your leadership, it's about their truth and what they're feeling, then you've leveled up your leadership.
[00:08:31] That's when you become the kind of leader that people don't ever want to leave. That's emotional intelligence for leaders. That's emotional safety. And it all starts with you, my friend, not them. So now let's talk about the three parts of what I call the honest check in.
[00:08:51] And it's three parts. And I'm telling you you can use this starting today.
[00:08:56] So the conversation always starts with a permission to have the conversation. I used to call people up intentionally and say, hey, Sally, I. I wanted to connect with you about something. I'm wondering if we can have a really honest and open conversation.
[00:09:12] Would you be honest with me? Like, no right or wrong answers. Can we have a quick connect?
[00:09:18] So that one question shifts the entire energy for her, and it makes it very clear that I'm no longer checking in on her results, by the way, results that she knows you don't approve of.
[00:09:32] I'm creating intentionally a safe container, and that's very different.
[00:09:38] And when you do this, your team actually feels the difference immediately. And if I'm being honest, it's actually a gift, because she's been hiding this entire time. Hiding in plain sight. But she's been hiding what she's authentically feeling. And. And you were about to give her a moment to be completely real.
[00:10:03] So part two is what I call a reality audit. It's when you ask them a question, like, on a scale of 1 to 10, how aligned does now feel like, what we're doing now, how your business is working now, how aligned does this feel with what you expected when you started?
[00:10:22] And then stop talking.
[00:10:24] Like, be comfortable with silence. I want you to give them time to go back to when they first got in, to think about what their hopes and dreams were and to compare it to where they are now and expose to you their deepest, darkest secrets about, honestly, where they feel like they're failing.
[00:10:45] So you've got to stop talking. You've got to be comfortable with maybe a few seconds or minutes of silence.
[00:10:52] And whatever number they give you, this is the rule. Regardless of the number they give them, your response is, tell me more about that.
[00:11:05] Tell me more about that.
[00:11:08] And. And the next question would be, what's the biggest gap between what you expected and what you're actually experiencing? So. So question number one was really broad.
[00:11:21] Question number two is a little more specific. Like, where specifically do you feel like you're not winning?
[00:11:28] And please, this is hard. This is so hard for me because I'm a problem solver. But you need to remind yourself, like, I actually use stickies. I'm not lying on my computer screen that say, you are not problem solving. You are listening.
[00:11:44] Now there's time for problem solving. But guess what? It's not here.
[00:11:49] And listen, Linda, this is where most leaders, they just skip ahead. They hear a problem, and you immediately go into, like, fix it mode.
[00:11:59] Don't. Because regardless of the outcome. This is probably the most valuable insider information you will ever get from your team about your team.
[00:12:13] Step number three is you're going to co create a plan.
[00:12:17] So once they've been honest with you, once they have relieved themselves of the burden of being inauthentic, now she is more likely to be in a space to co create with you.
[00:12:31] It's co creation, it is not prescription. And again, I'm going to be honest here. I am the queen of let me fix that for you.
[00:12:40] But that doesn't work. I am here to tell you that does not work.
[00:12:45] You're going to ask them this specific question based on what you just told me, what do you feel like would be a genuine win for you in the next 30 days?
[00:12:58] And then let them answer and then support that.
[00:13:03] And this is what's hard for a lot of leaders.
[00:13:06] You want to support their win and not your version of what success looks like for them according to your plan.
[00:13:17] When someone feels seen and heard and like the plan belongs to them, they're more likely to stay.
[00:13:24] Actually almost, they, they stay almost every single time. And I've seen this again, regardless of network marketing, downlines, affiliate teams, any commission, sales floor, the psychology here is completely universal.
[00:13:40] Now, before I show you what this looked like in real life, I want to give you one more thing. Because the framework is only half of it. The other half is knowing what to do when the conversation gets a little tough.
[00:13:51] So stick with me for just two more minutes. I've worked with so many women over the past few decades and I have seen women with as many as 12 active builders lose up to eight in a six month period.
[00:14:06] And the response typically is disappointment. It's a little bit of confidence loss and it's this feeling of complete burnout.
[00:14:16] And I've had people convinced that they weren't cut out to lead. We implemented this one honest check in with the remaining people, a step that most leaders are not brave enough to do.
[00:14:32] Somehow, somewhere along the line, y' all have been convinced if we just don't talk about how everyone is feeling, then they won't feel that way. Well, the opposite is true. The smartest thing you can do when you start to feel like your team is disengaged or you start to actually lose leaders is you go back to the other ones and you do the honest check in.
[00:14:55] I've done this repeatedly and I will tell you one for one, every single one of them have leaders that are revived. They become the new leaders, they bring in new leaders and there's never this big recruitment push, it just builds back on itself because now, now you're creating a team of leaders that, that trust and leaders that show up authentically and leaders who are motivated to share this super cool community where it's just okay to be who you are and to say the things you need to say with the right people. And one for one, every single one of them say, I just didn't know I should have this conversation.
[00:15:42] So this isn't like a marketing story, it's, it's a leadership strategy.
[00:15:48] It plays out the same in every single commission based framework I've ever seen. Now I promised I'd tell you what to do when the conversation gets hard because, well, you're going to do some honest check ins that are going to surprise you.
[00:16:03] They'll say they're not sure they want to keep going and they'll say that they've been faking it for months.
[00:16:09] But here's what you do. You don't talk them out of it. You, you don't go into recruitment mode. You say, I just really appreciate you trusting me with that. Can we stay in conversation before you decide anything?
[00:16:26] So I'm not saying don't feel that way.
[00:16:29] I'm not saying you have to make a decision today. I'm not even pushing.
[00:16:35] I'm just asking that we stay connected and have a conversation before they make a decision.
[00:16:43] And that's it. I just keep the door open. There's no pushing.
[00:16:48] And most leaders don't do this. The instinct, and I know, I have been there, I have felt it is to go into like hype mode, cheerleading mode, you're amazing mode, build them up mode, when in actuality what they really need is just honesty and safety without the fear of consequences.
[00:17:08] And more often than not, that honesty is actually what reactivates them.
[00:17:14] The leaders who try to talk people back into staying and listen. I can talk anyone off the ledge, y' all like anyone. But the truth is they never stayed.
[00:17:27] What I really needed to do and eventually learned how to do was to make it safe for them to stay in and stay on the fence because that was better than them leaving.
[00:17:40] And this is where the retention numbers actually held for me and where I've seen them actually hold for other people.
[00:17:47] So if you're leading a team right now, again, network marketing, any sort of sales, affiliates anywhere, and you're listening and you've got people that you know are like, hmm, they're quiet, they're not really out there actively engaged in their business.
[00:18:06] I want you to hear this and I want you to hear it very clearly.
[00:18:10] You're not failing. So. So don't let this erode your confidence. It's an easy fix. You're missing this one conversation and now you have it. So this week pick your most at risk team member and run the honest check in. It's just you getting yourself in the right framework.
[00:18:28] Ask the permission question, do that reality check audit. Where did you think you would be versus where you are now? What's the gap? And then co create a plan together. That's it.
[00:18:40] Now I've put together the full written framework for you. Every question, the exact language and and how to handle the hard answers. And it's linked in the description.
[00:18:50] So grab it. It's free. And if this helped you, please share it with one leader in your world who's watching people disappear and doesn't know what to do. This podcast is the fix. And don't forget to subscribe and leave a rating and a comment because you're sharing. And your commenting helps me create additional content that I can put out every single week.
[00:19:13] So until then, till next time, you can do this by leveling up and having one conversation that you might not ever have been told you need to have.
