Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Know the message, the hey girl, I was just scrolling and came across your profile. I love your energy.
[00:00:09] Listen, I'm looking for a few motivated women to partner with us. Is that you?
[00:00:15] You?
[00:00:16] I know, I know you know that message. I still get those messages.
[00:00:23] And listen, every time one of those comes across my inbox, I always pitch them back. But I don't necessarily recommend that to everyone.
[00:00:36] But listen, here's the problem with that kind of pitch.
[00:00:40] Like, you just immediately go into cringe mode. And I want to break down why that is so that you vehemently reject this as something you do.
[00:00:58] Here's the deal.
[00:01:00] Everyone knows in like a fraction of a second that there was no way that message was really about me.
[00:01:08] And we also know that it went to about 40 to 100 women before lunch. Like, you can just tell now here's the struggle. That's the exact message some of you have been told to send. And you're still being told to send it. Like, listen, just copy the script, swap the name, send it a hundred times.
[00:01:32] And you wonder why starting new conversations makes you want to throw your phone against a wall. And what is hilarious to me is like you're handed these copy and paste DM scripts like, ah, this is the gold, this is the proven message.
[00:01:55] Just run the numbers, send it to enough people and someone will eventually bite. But like, we're savvier than that, so we know we don't want to do it. But I want you to know why. Because there's an underlying problem.
[00:02:11] A copied message cannot do the one most important thing that the. The. That is literally the first job of a message.
[00:02:25] And it is to make the person feel like it's actually about them. If you're going to send a message to someone that you don't know very well. And listen, I'm all for that as a strategy for some people, but here's why people don't like to do it. It's because of this exact reason. And it is because everybody knows that that message never feels like it's really about them.
[00:02:53] And her brain, her primal brain can catch those generic BS messages in a fraction of a second.
[00:03:04] And boop, it gets filed under spam. And boop, you get blocked. You're not even starting a conversation. You are just increasing the likelihood of you getting screened out before you've actually had a chance to, to talk to someone that could potentially need help with your product or service. And here's the other problem. It's actually costing you more harm than you think. Because every time you send a message that doesn't feel like you, you begin to practice being that weirdo that you're not.
[00:03:42] Yeah, weirdo. Because weirdos do weird things. And the whole rule of selling is, is just don't be weird.
[00:03:52] And the more comfortable you get with being weird, the more you're going to do it. And every time you send a message that isn't you, you're practicing being someone you're not. And you know that inherently.
[00:04:05] So you get more uncomfortable, not less.
[00:04:10] The script is supposed to be something that makes prospecting easier, but instead it's. It's the part of the business that you now dread. If you're new here, hi, I'm Jen Viv. And on this show we prove that effort isn't actually the problem. In the last few episodes we've done. Hey, the problem isn't your effort, it's where you're aiming your effort. And then the one right before this was how, like your follow up is just like, it's just off. You've never been taught how to appropriately follow up. And so now, now, now that you're ready for those things, we're talking about that very first. Hello. Because sometimes this is the right next step for your business.
[00:04:53] So here's the shift.
[00:04:55] The first message has one job. Write this down.
[00:05:00] And it's a small one. It's to start a conversation, a real one, an authentic one. That's it. You're not pitching, you're not presenting, you're not closing.
[00:05:14] You're just going to say the one true, specific thing that makes that person feel seen.
[00:05:24] And you're testing the waters to see if there's something there, a reason to continue the conversation. And the only thing that actually makes that first touch point work is that it could have only been sent to her.
[00:05:45] As in you were paying attention, you noticed something real. The business she's already building, the thing she posted about with her kiddo, the exact frustration that she actually said out loud, you're gonna lead with that.
[00:06:04] As a human with no ask attached, we are literally just starting a conversation. Now watch what this actually does in your body.
[00:06:19] When you're just being a person who noticed another person's problem, the pit in your stomach actually goes away.
[00:06:27] Because honestly, there's nothing to be ashamed of.
[00:06:31] Genuineness is absolutely the right framework.
[00:06:37] Genuineness is absolutely the right energy.
[00:06:42] Like, you're not coming in with an angle and a pitch. You're actually connecting like you mean it. And I want to tell you this because this is what most people get Wrong.
[00:06:53] Here's the part that literally takes the pressure off from the very first message. You're not auditioning for her.
[00:07:02] You don't need to show up as something or someone.
[00:07:07] You're just finding out about her.
[00:07:10] And when that's the scoop, guess what? You don't have to worry about, like, am I going to say the right thing?
[00:07:17] Ask yourself, is this someone you'd actually enjoy talking to?
[00:07:24] Someone with something real going on, Someone whose energy you'd like more of? I mean, like, regardless of whether she wants to buy a thing or not, is this someone you want to interact with because you're allowed to be choosy? Y' all from hello.
[00:07:42] Like, you're not desperate.
[00:07:45] Start scanning the environment and ask those questions before you reach out.
[00:07:52] Most people actually forget to do that. They treat every stranger like a lottery ticket that, like, they gotta win and it makes things weird. So when you start conversations to find the right woman, instead of trying to convert every woman, you get to take a breath and hello, you'll start more of them because the stakes on every single conversation just got significantly smaller.
[00:08:26] And if you're starting more conversations, then the conversations you're having don't feel desperate. I mean, honestly, if it's a fit, marvelous.
[00:08:38] And if it's not, you found out on the first message instead of six months of pushing.
[00:08:43] So here's a simple vibe for you, and it is a vibe. It's not a script because the words have to actually be yours or the whole thing just feels weird.
[00:08:55] First, notice something specific and true about her.
[00:09:01] Second, say.
[00:09:04] Say it like a human with a genuine interest.
[00:09:10] And no, ask three. Third, ask one real question, one sincere question about it, the kind you'd actually want the answer to.
[00:09:26] Like the whole behind the scenes story.
[00:09:30] Because when you stop steering the conversation toward a pitch and, and a sale, you actually are just having a conversation. And I want you to think about your work. What would it look like if every day was a series of really interesting and authentic conversations and some of them land in a sale and some of them don't. Let's be, let's talk about a real example here. It could be something like, hey, Kathy, I saw that you've been building your own thing now for about a year while raising your littles like, that's not a little thing. How are you working through the balance? Honestly, now, she's a person who feels seen and she's just a person having a conversation with someone else.
[00:10:23] If she opens up, you guys keep having the conversation. If there's A real fit.
[00:10:30] Later, and maybe even much later, you might ask permission to share something that could provide more balance if indeed she's feeling out of balance or not getting the rewards for her effort.
[00:10:49] And if it isn't there, well, you've created a trusted connection and you can both move on. Honestly, I. I teach people you need three real conversations a day. Like the good kind, the kind that makes somebody feel better because you connected and not sold to. When you enter those three conversations from that standpoint, you never have to feel cringy again. The start of the conversation, the vibe of the conversation is the whole thing thing. Three new conversations started like a human. And honestly, the quiet math on that is better than any overpromised script. A stranger who has one real conversation with you remembers you.
[00:11:44] A stranger who gets a copy and paste. Well, girl, you better hope they don't like screenshot that thing and put it on the Internet.
[00:11:53] 10 real conversations will always, always out build a hundred generic ones because the real ones are the only ones that go anywhere and because the real ones are the only ones that other people want to do too. Honestly, if it's not that you were bad at starting conversations, it was just the weird DM scripts that you were sent and somehow convinced that this is how everyone builds. Girl, we're not all out there doing this. And then when you were told that everybody was doing it and you were told to work through the cringe, to just push through it.
[00:12:42] Come on, your authenticity is trying to speak to you. There's nothing to push through here because if it isn't authentic, you're not going to want to do it. You do know and understand the truth behind those messages.
[00:13:02] And now you've got a different vibe. You know where to aim your efforts. You know how to follow up. You know that you get to do the choosing and and you get to start every conversation from a place of I'm going to positively influence three strangers or three people's lives today. None of this takes more effort. None of it takes a bigger audience.
[00:13:29] It just takes you being you on purpose. So if you want to keep going deeper on this subject with me, get on my email list. It's actually where I can go further and where you're going to get intel and info before everybody else. The link is in the show notes and follow the show.
[00:13:50] Leave a comment, share it with someone. Because God knows we need a lot less cringy weirdos out there ruining our industry by being cringy. Hope you see by now you actually weren't behind.
[00:14:07] You just were aiming at the wrong thing.
[00:14:09] You knew it, and now you know that you were right. I'll see you next week.
